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One of the most difficult times as a single parent is feeling like no one around has ever walked in your shoes before. Your friends are either married and childless, married with children, or single and childless; and your employers and co-workers don't really care (unless, of course, you've had to stay out of work because of a sick child) or can't particularly relate. If there are, as statistics say, more than 11.4 million single parents out there in America, no doubt there are times when you've wondered where the hell they're all hiding.
What's it like to be a single parent? Well, it's a mixed bag at times. On one hand, you're the ultimate authority when it comes to raising your children; there's no one to boss you about or say that you shouldn't feed the kids this cereal or that brand of potato chips. As the custodial parent, you get all the love, but you also get all the whining and the stubbornness and the nightmares and the tears. You're also expected to maintain your household on one income, but also stay home and care for your children when they're ill. Non-custodial parents pay child support (or should I say, the ones who care about their children do) but then don't get to see their kids nearly as often as they would like. Single parenthood is an oftentimes strange cocktail made up of frustration, loneliness, worry, and fear - but also very powerful feelings of love and devotion.
Here are some ideas you might want to consider when coping with feelings of isolation:
1. Try and find other single parents with whom to share
experiences. Join a support group in your area, or get to know the parents of your children's friends. Chances are very likely that there are more single parents around than you realize. Ask your pastor or congregation leader about starting a ministry for single parents, if one does not already exist. Sometimes we just need to feel as if someone, somewhere, is sharing our experience.
2. If housing costs are high in your area, consider sharing a home. Remember television's "Kate & Allie"? Well, that wasn't such a bad idea. A three-bedroom apartment or house might be totally out of the question for a one-income earner, but not for two single parents joining households.
Consider advertising in your city's newspaper, or post notices at your local college or university for single-parent roommates. You'll not only be able to upgrade your standard of living, but you will get all the benefits of shared babysitting services.
3. Explain your situation to your employer. You don't need to go deep down into your personal business, but let your supervisors and co-workers know that you're a single parent and have additional responsibilities that other employees may not have. When I interview for a position, I make it crystal clear during the interview process that I am the sole emotional and financial support for my family, and thus the burden falls on me when kids get sick or daycare centers close early. A good employer will appreciate that you have brought these circumstances to light early on instead of saving the surprises for later, after you've been hired and expectations have been assigned.
4. Don't be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Talk to your child's teacher, pediatrician, coach, youth minister. Let them know that you care about your children's well-being, and ask for their input - then listen. Most professionals who work with children appreciate parents who are concerned enough to request opinions and feedback, and they will respect you - not denigrate you - for doing so. No single parent is an island, or should remain so, and the best way to combat those feelings of isolation is to form a support network comprised of other single parents, sympathetic friends, and professionals involved in your children's care. Use that network to remind you that you really aren't alone, and that there are others who are able to help you - if you're willing to ask.
"I say, old man, "cried the boy again
"Do you carry a sack of gold?"
"Nay, lad," the old man whispered.
"Tis just troubles--that's all I hold."
"This sack I've carried, all my life
Each trouble I've had is here.
They've grown till now, my back grows bent
With every passing year.
"There's grief and pain, there's hurt and woe,
There are trials and sins galore
But I'm going now to the trouble pile
and I won't pack these no more."
The boy looked up with a troubled glance.
"Tell me, what's the trouble pile?
I'd like to know, and while we talk
You can sit and rest a while."
"I lack the time," the old man said,
I've got to rush along.
I want to get to the trouble pile
"Fore the little troubles are gone.
"You see, it's a place where all can go
To trade troubles great and small
You can leave yours there and pick new ones up.
why, I'll trade 'till I've none at all."
The boy glanced down at his twisted leg,
And he blinked to hold back a tear.
"Could I trade this leg for a good one," he asked,
"If the trouble pile was here?"
"Of course, you could," the old man was gruff.
"But there's still a long way to go.
I've got to hurry or I'll be late,
And crippled you'd be too slow."
So the boy sat down and watched the man,
Disappear in the morning light,
The hours wore on and still he watched
As the day moved on to night.
At last, there in the distance,
The old man walked tall and strong,
A bulging sack still on his back,
But on his lips, a song.
"I see you traded, mister,
And lost your heavy load,
His little voice grew wistful
As he looked back down the road.
The old man grinned and tossed his bag
With a thud, in the dusty track.
And he smiled a smile at the little boy
As he sat and leaned lazily back.
"Now, I'll tell you, lad, though you'll not believe--
But that sack is the same as I had.
When I saw the troubles of other folks.
I found mine not half so bad.
"Sure, I've hardly got a trouble now,
And I'll tell you something too--
If you could see that trouble pile,
You'd keep that bad leg too.
"Cause I've done a bit of thinking
As I walked along the way.
And if we worked hard on that leg of yours
It would grow straight and strong to stay,
"Now I've really nothing much to do
And a crutch I could make for a start."
Then he hugged the boy to hide a tear,
And the joy in an old man's heart.
So the boy and the man worked together,
From morning to the last light of day,
And the twisted leg finally was straightened,
And the boy could soon run and play.
It was then the old man knew he must leave,
And again he shouldered his sack,
But no longer did it bulge with his troubles--
It just hung there loose on his back!
For while he was helping another.
His own troubles faded away,
He had truly found the trouble pile,
It's there if you look for the way.
-Unknown
Sent in by Elaine
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but you think you can't, it's almost a cinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost,
for out in the world we find success
begins with a fellow's will.
It's all in the state of the mind.
If you think you're outclassed, you are,
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
you can ever win a prize.
Life's battles won't always go to the
Stronger or the faster man
But, sooner or later, the person who wins
is the person who thinks they can.
(BY; STEVEN H)
Sent in By Vivian
Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood
and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how
he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed
him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed
Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee
was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look
on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry
and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the
time. How do you do it?"
Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you
have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can
choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something
bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from
it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining,
I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive
side of life. I choose the positive side of life.
"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested..
"Yes it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away
all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to
situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to
be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you
live life."
I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant
industry to start my own business. We lost touch,but I often thought about
him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never
supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one
morning and was held up at gunpoint by three armed robbers. While trying
to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination..
The robbers panicked and shot him.
Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local
trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry
was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his
body.
I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how
he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"
I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through
his mind as the robbery took place.
"The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked
the back door, " Jerry replied..
"Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices:
I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."
"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.
Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me
I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw
the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.
In their eyes, I read 'he's a deadman'. I knew I needed to take action."
"What did you do?" I asked.
"Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said
Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."
"Yes" I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited
for my reply.
I took a deep breath and yelled, "Bullets!"
Over their laughter, I told them, "I am choosing to live. Operate on
me as if I am alive, not dead."
Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of
his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice
to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.
An elderly carpenter was ready to
retire. He told his employer, a building contractor, of
his plans to leave the house building business and
live a more leisurely life with his wife enjoying his
extended family. He would miss the paycheck, but he
needed to retire. They could get by.
His employer was sorry to see his good worker go and
asked if he could
build just one more house as a personal favor.
The
carpenter said yes, but
it was easy to see that his heart was no longer in his
work. He had lost
his enthusiasm and had resorted to shoddy workmanship and
used inferior
materials. It was an unfortunate way to end his career.
When the carpenter finished his work and his boss
came to inspect the
new house, the contractor handed the front-door key to
the carpenter.
"This is your house," he said, "my gift to you."
What a shock! What a shame! If he had only known
he was building his
own house, he would have done it all so differently. Now
he had to live in
the home he had built none too well.
So it is with us.
We build our lives in a distracted way, reacting
rather than acting,
willing to put up less than the best. At important
points we do not give
the job our best effort. Then with a shock we look at
the situation we
have created and find that we are now living in the house
we have built for
ourselves.
If we had realized, we would have done it
differently.
Think of yourself as the carpenter. Think about
your house. Each day
you hammer a nail, place a board, or erect a wall. Build
wisely. It is
the only life you will ever build. Even if you live it
for only one day
more, that day deserves to be lived graciously and with
dignity. The
plaque on the wall says, "Life is a do-it-yourself
project." Who could say
it more clearly? Your life today is the result of your
attitudes and
choices in the past. Your life tomorrow will be the
result.
-- author unknown (submitted by Michelle)
Have you ever watched kids
on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain
slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last
Do you run through each day on the fly
When you ask "How are you?"
do you hear the reply?
When the day is done,
do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
running through your head?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last
Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste,
not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time
to call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down
Don't dance so fast
Time is short
The music won't last
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away...
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.
****************************************
Quote for the week...
'The past is finished. Learn from it and let it go. The
future is not even here yet. Plan for it, but do not
waste your time worrying about it.' Brian Weiss
***************************************
Submitted by Elaine
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.
I've learned that, no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back... and never will.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.
I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life, that counts.
I've learned that you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life.
I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides.
I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.
I've learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.
I've learned that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.
I've learned that, just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them, and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.
I've learned that no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while, and you must forgive them for that.
I've learned that, no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief.
I've learned that, just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other... and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.
I've learned that we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.
I've learned that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret; it could change your life forever.
I've learned that there are many ways of falling and staying in love.
I've learned that no matter how many friends you have, if you are their pillar, you will feel lonely and lost at the times you need them most.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon.
I've learned that although the word "love" can have many different meanings, it loses value when overly used.
I've learned that love is not for me to keep, but to pass on to the next person I see.
I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone; people love that human touch... holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
And I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
Author Unknown (submitted by Zenia)
1. Give people more than they expect and do it
cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or
sleep all you want
4. When you say, "I love you", mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry", look the person in the
eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get
married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt
but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name
calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slow but think quick.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want
to answer,smile and ask,"Why do you want to know?".
14. Remember that great love and great achievements
involve great risk.
15. Call your mom.
16. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self;
Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great
friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take
immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will
hear it in your voice.
22. Marry someone you love to talk to. As you get
older, their
conversational skills will be as important as any
other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your
values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best
answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get
older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so
important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones, deal with the
current situation. Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve
immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth...and yourself.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust someone who doesn't close their eyes
when you kiss them.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been
before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use
helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest
satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is
sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules, then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one
where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in
order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Submitted by Zenia
In a university commencement address several years ago, Brian Dyson, CEO of Coca Cola Enterprises, spoke of the relation of work to one's other commitments:
"Imagine life as a game in which you are juggling some five balls in the air.
You name them - work, family, health, friends, and spirit - and you're keeping all of these in the air.
You will soon understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back.
But the other four balls - family, health, friends, and spirit are made of glass. If you drop one of these, they will be irrevocably scuffed, marked, nicked, damaged or even shattered. They will
never be the same.
You must understand that and strive for balance in your life.
How?
1. Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.
2.Don't set your goals by what other people deem important. Only you know what is best for you.
3.Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart. Cling to them as they were your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
4.Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future. By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
5.Don't give up when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
6.Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect. It is this fragile thread that binds us to each together.
7.Don't be afraid to encounter risks. It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
8.Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time. The quickest way to receive love is to give; the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
9.Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been, but also where you are going.
10. Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
11.Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily.
12.Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way. Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift - that's why we call it, 'the present'."
Submitted by Bernard Vorster
From: "Karin Schuerstedt"
Hi all - here's a nice one.
Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly.
Anonymous
A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully, and before it blossomed, he examined it. He saw the bud that would soon blossom and also the thorns. And he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?" Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and before it was ready to bloom, it died.
So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose.The God-like qualities planted in us at birth grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.
Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others. This is the characteristic of love, to look at a person, and knowing his faults, recognize the nobility in his soul, and help him realize that he can overcome his faults. If we show him the rose, he will conquer the thorns. Then will he blossom, blooming forth thirty, sixty, a hundred-fold as it is given to him.
Our duty in this world is to help others by showing them their roses and not their thorns. Only then can we achieve the love we should feel for each other; only then can we bloom in our own garden.
~Author Unknown~
Submitted by Elsabe
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