Submit your AMUSING HAPPENINGS HERE
Hi all. Here's a link that'll raise a few smiles.
Karin.
http://darsie.ucdavis.edu/kids/
and here is another one
http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Plains/4797/kidsay.html
"Parachutist"from Karin
Jurgen (then 3 and a bit) was about to jump from a (very) tall
tree and I called out "don't jump, you're going to hurt yourself". My son
yelled back from the top of the tree "don't worry mommy, I'll jump slowly".
"Ancient Rome" from Karin
"Mom, is Hercules old?"
"No, not really".
"How old."
Seeing my son's current command of numbers runs to anywhere between fifteen
and twenty depending on his level of concentration, I use an example to
illustrate "oh, like so-and-so" (the lady in question is in her early
thirties).
"You see mom, I told you Hercules is OLD".
"Jesus in the Sky" from Elsabe
Adrian had taken his soccer ball to school and in a sharing moment let his friend Natasza play with it. When Natasza threw the ball very high he got very upset and called the teacher. He insisted that the teacher stop Natasza from throwing his ball so
high.
"But why?" the teacher asked.
"Because Natasza is going to throw my ball so high that Jesus in the sky will catch it!" Adrian cried.
"God can paint" from Short
My friends son Patrick, who was 4years old at the time , had this to say after she had told him to go outside and look at the rainbow : "Gee Mom, God can paint hey! "
"Things kids say" from Short
At lunchtime one Saturday I put a plate of
stirfry chicken in front of my five year old daughter, who then started to have her lunch. After a few mouthfulls , her comment to me was. "Gosh Mom, this is delicious, when you grow up you can be a chef "
"Tiny baby shoes" from Kim
Kyle(6) has got an issue,my nickname for him is
"Tiny baby shoes" so a few days ago he pulled me to one side
in the Hyperama and whispered in my ear to look at the cool
little girl in the trolley next to us. He looked at me with
all earnest and said ...."now please Mummy dont embarress me
by calling me tiny baby shoes remember Mum you may only call
me that at home not in front of the chicks!"(yes the new age
talk!)
"A new animal" from Liz
While looking through a new book we came
across a new animal. "What's that Mama?" asked Kieran (2). "A warthog" I carefully enunciated. "Oh, a waterdog!" Kieran mimicked
"Calming the Storm" from Michelle
My son Jason, having grown up in a quite
religious family, is very familiar with the story of
Jesus calming the storm. Recently I found him
outside, yelling to the gale-force South Easter
"Peace! Be still!" And it worked!
For 5 minutes...
"Weather Forecast" from Michelle
Jason's explanation of why some days are
cold:
"The wind blows the tree's shade into the sun,
so it gets cold"....
"Granny's teeth." from Karin
"Jürgen, we are going to the dentist again soon".
"Okay, you, me and gran".
"No love, gran doesn't have to go". As this one slips out I realise it's going to put me in a pickle. And I'm proven right.
"Hum, ha, rrmphh, well, gran has plastic teeth"
"Why?"
"Well, you see, sometimes when you're really old your teeth hurt, and then you have them taken out and the dentist puts plastic teeth in so you can still eat properly".
"But mom, you don't have plastic teeth, and you are really old!"
"The Burning Brain" from Jurgen's Gran.
The story as told by my mother when she collected my son from nursery school recently:
"Gran, can Amy come to our house? Then he can play with my toys".
"Jürgen, Amy is a girl and a girl is a 'she' ".
The he versus she debate carries on for about three street blocks, at which point my son exclaims "gran, stop, you're making my brain burn".
"Dangerous Mom" from Karin
Jürgen (6) recently displayed a particularly drastic example of the "no ears syndrome" and wedged his bike between two cars in our driveway, scratching both quite badly. He received the required punishment, also the promise that next time I'd "take his head off".
Offspring's comment? "Mommy, you musn't do that. It could be dangerous".
"How the little mind works!!??" from Jenny
After dinner the other night, I handed my
son (7) a sweet (a hard, sucking sweet). A few
minutes later he asked for another because his "went
down his throat without him knowing" - I said that
swallowing a sweet like that is dangerous as it can
choke him. He tried to explain what happened by
saying "It was not my fault, mommy, my taste bugs were
holding my sweet and the sweet must have slipped out
their hands and stright into my stomack" - Needless
to say I roared with laughter - He left my side a
little confused, not even waiting for another sweet.
"Food for soccer." from Karin
We had just finished lunch, and Jürgen (6)
wanted to play soccer with our resident teenager (my
nephew). I asked him to wait a while and let his food
settle down first. After a minute or so, my son
slinked back into the room and said "Mom, I can play
soccer now, my food is already in my legs".
"To stress or to di-stress" from Little Dove
One evening after work, my daughters (aged
16 and 12) and I, found our way to my bed, which seems
to happen more and more often lately for a serious
session of "bonding", where we talk about life, love,
boyfriends, tell jokes and just have fun. My youngest
daughter was playing with a "stress ball" she had made
with a new/unused deflated balloon which she had
filled up with cake flour and tied a knot in. Shaping
it, squeezing it, etc. I'm not quite sure what she
did, but she did have it in her mouth once or twice,
but the next second the balloon burst and she suddenly
had this mouth full of cake flour and a little cloud
of the stuff hovering around her face. Well the
expression on the child's face was classic. America's
funniest home videos ..... here we come. I roared with
laughter.
Funny how therapeutic laughter can be, isn't it?
Somehow that "stress ball" really worked for me.
"Gentlemen??!!" from Jenny
My son is 7 years old and started grade
one at the begining of this year. He is doing well in his reading and they have chosen him out of his class to represent the class in a literacy eistedford.
The other night I told him how proud I was and that the only one to benefit from his hard work was himself. The only thing I could get out of it is pride and if he carry's on one day he'll have a good job earning a lot
of money and vice versa if he didn't work as hard as he can.
After thinking for a while he said "Mommy,
I'll not keep the money I make for myself I'll buy you lots of things, anything you ask for - like a flat, white car, UUUMMM, the Lamborskitty (Lambourgini) and a diamond necklace."
I duly thanked him. The next morning getting dressed for school (shirt, tie etc) he
said "Mommy, and when I'm a gentleman and getting lots of money can I have gold things to put in my sleeves".
I laughed, and he was upset "Why are you laughing Mommy, won't it look nice" - I said "Yes of course - I am laughing because you are cute."
This again upset him, and he said "I far too old to be cute".
I had a good laugh at the poor child's expense.
"GOD IN TOILET." from ELIZABETH BOREDI
One morning my sister's child woke her mother up and said to
her " Mom, does God go to the toilet like us?"
Her mother said " No, why do
you ask."
He then replied. "This morning I heard dad saying: Oh God, are you
still in the toilet."
"The magic tooth." from Karin
This episode involves the dentist, after mom here lost a tooth
to a toffee and volunteered for a permanent bridge.
It was high time that
Jürgen (then 3 and a bit) visited the dentist and I took him along for my
last visit when said bridge was being fitted. Not only did my pride and joy
inform the dentist that his teeth didn't need looking at because they were
"Superman teeth", but imagine riding down 25 storeys in the lift at the
Carlton Office block with a numb mouth and junior gleefully informing
everyone present "my mommy has a magic tooth and the uncle put it in
mommy's mouth with glue".
"A date with Mom." from Karin
It had been one of those weeks, sleep was reduced dramatically
to accommodate pressing deadlines and Jürgen's (6) complaints alternated
between "mom, you're always working" and "McDonald's, again!". Serious
sleep deprivation and junk food had taken their toll, Mom here was showing
the strain. Finally, Friday. And a really hot dinner date (the date, not
dinner!). A luxurious hour to prepare, I felt good and thought I looked
quite stunning. A double dose of tonic, and images of falling asleep with
my face romantically hitting the dinner plate subsided. Ready to go, my son
at the door, goodbye hugs and kisses, and .....
"Mom, your face is looking really old!".
"Silly Mommy." from Lynn
Kimberley (5) ran into a glass sliding door whilst visiting
friends and thankfully suffered nothing but a nose bleed. Concerned adults
fussed and an ice pack was applied. To my panicky "darling, how do you
feel", my daughter, flat on her back and still sporting the ice pack,
exclaimed giggling "silly actually Mommy".
"Big business in 1996." from Karin
My three and a bit year old son was taking his time on the
toilet. When I asked him if he was busy with big business he replied "no
mommy, the puffy is sleeping in my bum".
"My three-year old 50's rocker.(April 1996)" from Karin
Jürgen outdid himself again, this time with another attempt at
"I do it myself mummy". Whilst mom was still in a comatose state one
morning not so long ago, valiantly trying to reach semi-consciousness
through a mist of ringing alarm clocks, son dragged the washing basket from
the bathroom, used it as a platform to launch himself to the uppermost
regions of his cupboard and got hold of a jar of Vaseline. Mom was
instantaneously catapulted into consciousness by a very proud three year
old announcing "mummy, look, I put cream on". Four showers and shampoos
later, my son went off to nursery school looking decidedly well "oiled".
His hair does not bear mention, it took a few days to get the worst of the
Vaseline out, and he looked like the offspring of a well greased 50's
rocker for the duration. The Vaseline, needless to say, did not survive the
onslaught, the empty jar was consigned to the rubbish. My son? Sporting a
new crew cut!
"Mr Piggy" from Karin
The great battle at meal times in our
household at the moment is table manners, or the occasional lack thereof (trying to drill them in a 5 year old can fray the nerves at more than just the edges). To my "Jürgen, you're eating like a pig" the son and heir looks me squarely in the eye and says "no
mom, I'm not, pigs put their face straight in their food and go 'oink oink' ".
"Wedding Bells" from Karin
"Mom, I'm going to marry Kimberley from
school".
I narrowly avoid hitting the car in front of me, swallow, and manage to press out a strangled sounding "why?".
"Well mom, you see, Kimberley wants to be Daniel's friend, but Daniel only wants to play with Samantha, so I'm going to marry Kimberley and then she also has a friend."
(Maybe friendship is what relationships need more of)
YUGH, SLUGS!
While doing the grocery shopping with my 2 young sons we stopped briefly in the isle containg food garnishing's. After collecting a few odds & ends we turned and walked past the bottled condiments. At this point the eldest guy (8 years) piped up in his fog horn voice, "Yugh, slugs", and pointed to the jars of pickled Gherkins.
A true story from JOHN
Submit your AMUSING HAPPENINGS HERE
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